Saturday, 7 April 2012

Chalet Girl

This cinematic abomination is the story of a former skateboarding protégé (Felicity Jones) who gave up the sport after the death of her mother in order look after her loveable but useless father (Bill Bailey) and has to work in a fast food restaurant to support her and her dad. She somehow manages to wangle a job as a Chalet Girl in Austria and is thrown into a world she just doesn’t understand. She is confronted with toffs who treat her badly but somehow overcomes all that is put in front of her to win people round and win the local snowboarding competition.

This film is terrible! After about four minutes I turned to my girlfriend and said “so she wins the snowboarding competition and gets the guy”. I received a frown in reply. The film is so stupid and obvious. It isn’t in the slightest bit funny and is infuriating to watch. Somehow Felicity Jones manages to get a job after insulting a woman interviewing her for another job. Once she gets to Austria she is confronted by cartoon rich kids and orange girls who don’t like her because she can’t ski and doesn’t have blonde hair, Ugg boots and end every sentence with the word ‘babe’. Also, just look at how ugly she is. I mean eww! Gross! But wait, she’s put some make up on and suddenly WTF! She’s actually beautiful. How did that happen?? Oh fuck off stupid film! (Sorry, a bit of internal monologue there). This film actually made me angry.

"I'm pretty and blonde, so I'm a bitch and there's NO chance we'll ever be friends..."

The music is predictable and pathetic. There is dingly-dongly piano and strings when the couple (spoiler alert) get together and plenty of uplifting chick-flick pop during the numerous montages. The acting is also awful with Felicity Jones the only actor who emerges with any credibility. Bill Nighy is underused and I don’t even know what Brooke Shields is playing at!

Even a naked Felicity Jones couldn't save the film.

I can’t be bothered to go on talking about this film. All I’ll say is it is really stupid, boring and obvious. The characters are caricatures and painfully annoying. It tries a Tess of the D’Urbervilles type storyline and fails, BUT… Felicity Jones is a bright spark and proves that her shot to stardom was not a fluke.   

If you do have the misfortune of seeing this film, and please try not to, make sure you leave before the credits in order to avoid the HILARIOUS out-takes and stupid miming to the end credits song which puts to bed any credibility the cast may have otherwise escaped with.


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